


Done

by NostalgicUncertainty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: All aboard the feels train!, Angst, Bobby - Freeform, Demon Blood, F/M, Impala, Lucifer - Freeform, Samifer - Freeform, Snow, Swan Song, best friend!Dean, castiel - Freeform, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 05:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11571759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NostalgicUncertainty/pseuds/NostalgicUncertainty
Summary: Set during Swan Song. Y/N hunts alongside the brothers and she is in love with Sam. When Sam has to say yes to Lucifer and jump in the cage- this is how she deals with that. Sam/Reader Sam/OC Sam/You





	Done

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I wrote this listening to this instrumental (add this after youtube because it won't let me upload link - watch?v=-ZIP4NkLavA) to For Your Eyez Only by J Cole. I recommend you to listen to it too <3

Y/N stepped into the room slamming the door shut behind her. Usually not one to display aggression, but this brought it out of her. Thankfully, Bobby made sure Sam and Dean were in another room for the night so she didn’t have to pretend that she was fine when she clearly weren’t- on her own she could let it all out.

Not bothering to turn on all the lights, the dim glow radiating out from the open bathroom door was enough for her current state of mind, she just plopped onto the edge of the bed. Still in her heeled boots, jeans, and leather jacket. That’s when the tears welled up in her eyes, that’s when the sniffles took over her nose, that’s also when the tremors slightly rocked her body in waves- that’s when Y/N broke down.

She gasped out a breath at first, not used to crying so openly, not used to crying period. _The boys aren’t around thank God_ , she thought relieved. The Impala wasn’t in the parking lot.

Closing her eyes she let herself surrender to the tides her emotions made her ride.

She was  _done_.

Done with all the hurt, all the failures, everything she had to face walking alongside the Winchesters. A hunter only for a year, she still wasn't used to all the baggage that accompanied the glory of saving lives.

Mostly she was done pretending she was alright with letting Sam jump into the cage. Time was wearing thin and the prize fight between Michael and Lucifer was looming over them like a deadly sword ready to chop their heads off. She understood Sam wanted to save the world because he felt responsible for kick starting the apocalypse, but she couldn’t let him do it.

Not one to express all these feelings in front of the boys, especially Sam, due to the crush she harbored for him, she had no choice, but to wallow in it on her own whenever she could.

_Knock, knock, knock._

She sniffed and gasped, body frozen and rigid at the intrusion to your thoughts.

“Who is it?” She called out from her position.

“It’s me. Can I come in?”

“Dammit.” She cursed under her breath as she got up,  _why was he back early?_

The door opened to reveal none other than Sam Winchester.

_Think of the devil._

_Too soon._

Sam was staring at Y/N with squinted eyes trying to read her.

“Hey, you okay, Y/N?”

In her emotional state, she forgot to wipe her tears and fix herself before opening the door.

She wiped the tears away while moving aside gesturing him to come in, “Yeah I’m just PMSing is all.”

Sam slowly walked in still looking at her, he wasn’t buying it and she could tell. “Y'know you can talk to me about anything, right?” he softly reminded the young hunter as she closed the door and turned around to meet his concerned eyes.

His beautiful hazel eyes always managed to draw out all her secrets almost effortlessly, a weakness of hers. She suspected the keen eyed genius knew, as he didn’t hesitate to use it on her whenever necessary.

Y/N nodded with a light smile that didn’t reach her eyes which were glossy with tears, “I know. I just, you don’t need to hear this right now, you’ve already made up your mind.”

Sam sighed and sat on the side of the bed brushing his hair behind his ears, “There really isn’t any other way, Y/N. We can’t let millions of people die, and it has to be me. It has to. I let him out, I gotta throw him back in.”

She leaned back against the table behind her, tears blurring her vision now no matter how much she tried to keep them in. Sam’s worried gaze picked it up and his face softened.

“Even if it damns you to an eternity of hell? Not just any hell, hell level extreme- Lucifer’s cage, Sam! I just…” She trailed off holding her head in her hands.

Sam frowned and hated himself for having to do what he had to do, knowing the effect it had on the people he loved. Dean, Bobby, and even Cas weren’t tearing up in front of him right now like she was, but they didn’t need to. He could tell they were hurting just as bad.

He stood up and approached her, brushing her hair back from her face and gently gripping her shoulders, “It’s going to be okay, Y/N.”

Y/N looked up at him with tears rolling down her cheeks, “How will it ever be okay? How can you say that?” she whispered.

He cupped her face in his hands, “Trust me, you’re gonna get through this. You’ll have Dean, Bobby and-”

“I’m not worried about myself! I’m worried about you!” she interrupted with a yell shaking her head.

“Y/N-”

“How am I supposed to go on knowing you’re being torn apart by SATAN HIMSELF!? How? Oh and this is if, if you’re able to gain back control. Otherwise you’re stuck with him ending the world in your body.”

“I can do it. I can win back control.” Sam attempted to reassure.

She just hung her head feeling defeated.

“You don’t think I can do it,” Sam scoffed hurt that she didn’t believe in him either.

She immediately locked eyes with him, tenderly caressing his cheek, “That’s not it, I believe in you. If anyone can do it, it’s you. No doubts about that.”

Knowing she was honest by the sincerity in her eyes, Sam took her hand from his cheek and kissed the back of it, “Then what are you so afraid of?”

“If it were up to me, I’d let the friggin’ world end if it meant saving you from the fire. That should scare me, but it doesn’t.” she confessed.

Sam looked taken aback, he always had feelings for her. He just never felt good enough for her after all the darkness he held in him.

“Maybe I’ve hung out with you and Dean way too long, and now I’ve caught the Winchester bug.” she joked making the tall hunter chuckle.

He looked amazing whenever he smiled like this, dimples peaking through his cheeks, face lit up, breath-taking eyes that could change from grey, green, to blue.

“I’d do the same for you, Y/N,” his voice was genuine and revealed the feelings he had for her, then a shadow came over his features, “But I don’t deserve it. After everything I’ve done, I need redemption.”

“Sam,” she started as her heart broke for this beautiful, damaged man that she loved, “You did what you thought was right. You’re not evil, you’re not a monster. You’re the best man I’ve ever met. You don’t deserve this.”

Her eyes expressed all the love she held for him and she knew he could see it, she was baring her soul to him now- no time to hide anymore.

Then the door burst open.

Both of them instantly jumped creating distance between their bodies as Dean walked in with raised brows and mouth in an O shape, “Am I interrupting something?”

“No, what’s goin’ down, Dee?” Y/N piped up before Sam could step in.

Dean looked skeptical and concerned as he took in her distraught form and Sam’s solemn face, “Bobby and I need Sammy for a second, you rest up shortstuff, you look like crap.”

She chuckled dryly, “Gee thanks, Dee. Leave it to you to make a girl feel real special.”

“Yeah, don’t mention it.” Dean joked and left the room leaving the door open.

Sam didn’t know what to say as he stared at her, “I’ll be back in a bit, alright?”

Then he was out the door.

* * *

Time flew by and Sam never made it back to Y/N's room that night. The whole gang was busy preparing for the Apocalypse. Whenever she did see him, neither of them had the time to continue that conversation.

Then they were all in the Impala with a trunk full of demon blood.

It felt like both the shortest and longest ride of Y/N's life. Her stomach was in knots the whole time she was in the backseat with Bobby and Cas on both sides. All she could manage to do was stare ahead with occasional tilts to the right focusing on Sam’s hair which moved into view as he spoke to Dean.

This would be the last time she would witness that.

“You know there’s no coming back from this right? Not this time.” Sam reminds his brother.

“I know.” Dean responds as he stares straight at the road ahead.

Y/N's heart drops even further and she tries not to give in to the nausea, she feels like screaming and stepping out of the car. Dragging Sam out the seat and hugging him close, not letting anyone take him away. Instead she swallows it all down and grips the underside of the backseat as Baby goes on a sharp bend.

_How did it come to this? Why were we the ones who had to go through this? Saving the world, losing everyone we love? Why?!_

That was the nature of the thoughts speeding through her head and then it happened.

The Impala stopped, the purr of the engine was gone.

Doors creaked open as she'd heard them a million times before, but this time- they echoed in her ears finalizing the end that was now here.

Y/N was the last to exit the car, she saw the two brothers hug goodbye and she was internally shaking. Tremors ran down her legs, but she tried to hide it trying her hardest to stay steady on her feet. No one needed her to break down, not right now.

Then it was her turn, Cas moved away awkwardly standing next to Bobby. Dean leaned against Baby a couple of steps away. Sam was standing next to the trunk looking right at her as she approached him.

“Y/N…” he started then paused to take a deep breath, “I want you to know that… “ he went silent brushing his hair back, “Thank you for everything.”

Tears sprang into her eyes as she attempted to smile, but it only made her want to cry and she couldn’t- she needed to be strong for him.

He noticed and his own eyes glistened as he continued, “Even though it hasn’t been that long, but you’ve always been there for us, there for me, and I can never thank you enough. You’re family, Y/N.”

She couldn’t hold it back anymore and a soft sob escaped her lips, “Sam.” His name was all she could say before throwing her arms around his tall frame, he was over a foot taller so she had to tiptoe and drag him down to her height to do so.

Sam didn’t waste any time before wrapping his arms around Y/N, setting his chin on top of her hand, bending to leave kisses in her hair. She cried into him, trying to memorize the feeling of him so close to her, safe and sound. Her fingers clenched his jacket so hard her long nails were starting to bend and hurt.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so sorry. I need you to promise me to always keep fighting no matter what. Take care of Dean, of Bobby, take care of yourself-”

She pulled away and looked up at him, “I love you, Sam. I’m sorry I’m telling you this now- I knew you wouldn’t feel the same way so I kept it to myself.”

Sam threaded his fingers through her hair, “I love you too. I didn’t tell you cause you deserved more than me, you still do, but I can’t go down there knowing I never had the chance to do this.”

Y/N smiled through her tears and saw how Sam looked to her lips, she did the same. He leaned in and she met him halfway, when their lips met each other, it was like the chaos that was raging on around them was momentarily calm- the two of them stood in the eye of the storm.

Moving in unison, speaking through their lips words and feelings they never got to, and never will be able to share.

When they pulled apart, Y/N's fingers were woven in Sam's hair, and his arms circled her waist.

Then it began to snow.

Both of them gazed up to the sky watching the snowflakes as they fell.

Sam’s lips stretched into a smile that showcased his dimples, “You always loved the snow.”

Y/N smiled back, eyes admiring his features, trying to memorize them, “I’m always going to remember this. Thank you for being the incredible man you are, Sam.”

“And you, you’re beautiful inside and out, and so strong Y/N. I won’t be there to remind you of that anymore, I need you to believe. Believe in yourself just as you’ve always believed in me. I need you to promise me that you won’t try anything to get me back.”

“No, anything but that. I can’t-”

He gripped her shoulders with pleading eyes, “Yes, you can and you will.”

“I’m going to save you, Sam. I’ll save you no matter what it takes,” She relented determined.

Sam shook his head and hugged Y/N even tighter than before, with her being buried in his arms, she didn’t see how Bobby and Dean gave his brother a look.

He broke the embrace and pecked her lips a final time.

“It’s time, Sam.” Castiel’s voice broke the silence.

“I’m coming with you two.” she announced following Sam and Dean’s lead towards the building.

“No-” “Absolutely not-” were the immediate replies she received from both brothers.

Bobby stood by her side gently touching her shoulder, “Stay with me, kid. You can’t be in there.”

She stood there next to Baby as the snowflakes covered her chilling her soul as she watched Sam walk away.

Moments later, the light from the building threatened to blind her, but she didn’t flinch away, she couldn’t. She was too frozen and when the light died down- she cracked into pieces.

Sam was gone.

Y/N was  _done_.


End file.
